random scriblings #1

Why when you feel the absolute bliss you have a fear of Losing it all. Why does it feel that one might jinx it . Why do you just cannot say that what that one person means to you are you too scared of putting your vulnerable side out do you feel as if you would let it know that you r actually fragile ... that you don't deserve someone that nice to you when you've been treated lyk a wrthless idiot all your life ... maybe you just don't want to feel good because hurt is exactly what you understand ....its a feeling you knw u deserve ....because deep down you know that its only the name that renders you as creation.... u r nt truly created

wish i knew that a place like that did exist

There is a route out there somewhere ,some solace where there is
that is what this withered soul seeks ,a place where worries do exist
but seem to not matter any more ,the place where there are no mirrors
the place where right and wrong are so blurred that they cease to exist
a place where i do find peace
if i walk down this road would i get there or i'd meet other dead end ...??
if i do go down this road would i cease to exist
would i be released of this pain ??
or would i end up someplace i'd never find true me would there be all veils , would i ever be able to
outgrow  these ?
if i come clean would these veils go ?? or would they be "the new face " .. the face created by the
demons in me !! i know not what i am now , what i was in the past , what would i be in the future ... all
i want is that hourfull bliss of nothing in my mind !!
 why do i think why i cannot be just as silent on the inside as on the outside .
 why icannot comprehend what my thoughts tell me ,
why i cannot i can get myself stop thinkin,
why do all i get isthe buzzz that doesnt let me sleep for nights ....
why i want to make that hissing sound i know not ..... all i know that i am still searchin fr that
place where questions are not answered but just cease to matter ......will i get it down this road
....or would that be the last delinking of thepeace inside this mind of mine ???
should i godown the path ?? or take the exit !!!!

                                            WiSh I KneW thE plaCe liKe tHAt DID EXIST !!

lookin for that closed door

The closed door , still there out somewhere
someplace i don't want to be near
The place i know i would see the true me
and that alone is my fear

Where do i stand , when i look for it
is finding it my sole aim
because i know , its not an arch to heaven
things around me would be just the same

And when i find it for all i know
i'd be adding locks n chain
for it would be the real me that i'd show
that is a feeling that would surpass any pain